Well, for starters, we no longer have internet at home, hence the inability to post regularly. Although, I must admit that I rather like the fact that my husband and children are no longer controlled by computers or the internet. Okay, maybe they weren't controlled by them, but some days, it sure felt like it. When my children are whining and complaining and fighting over who gets to be on the computer first, I think we have a problem. And granted, they mostly play educational games online but still...too much of a good thing is still too much and turns it into a not good thing.
Second, I quit my job at the gas station. I had been having some severe health problems, which I think I may have posted about (I could open up another tab and check but I really want to just continue on with this post and not get distracted, which is likely to happen.) and I have started back doing home health care. I have a lady that I do private duty healthcare for. Basically, she is in charge of her own care, she hires, fires, schedules, trains, etc. and I take care of her. It's private duty because I don't work through an agency - it is essentially self-employment - and that is how I claim my wages at the end of the year when ol' Uncle Sam wants his share. So, anyhow, I'm back working for her. Just for reference, I refer to her in everyday life as m'lady, due to HIPPA regulations and such. Even though she doesn't care and has invited my whole family to come to a party at her house. Even though my whole family has met her.
But I'm back with m'lady and I am so happy about that! I work overnights for her, which to me is a huge honor to know that she trusts me enough to take care of her while she is asleep and not able to direct her care as much. Mostly I do household stuff, but there are other (very important!) things that I do for her in the middle of the night. And I love working for her. I had forgotten how peaceful it was and how fulfilling it was to work for her when I was away from her. After being able to go back, I remembered something that I thought last year after arriving at her house after an especially stressful day with my extended family, which was, "I'm so glad that I work tonight. I definitely needed a good dose of m'lady to renew my spirits and energies."
So, to make a long story short, I am no longer at the gas station. I am working for m'lady and I recently was hired on for a position doing home health with an agency here in town as well. I have been assigned to two people so far and both have cancelled before I even started with them, so I have yet to actually work a shift through the agency, but soon...hopefully and most likely, next week I will be doing a shift (actually two as it is currently scheduled).
I have also been busy tutoring. A friend of mine, Gabby, is in Intermediate Algebra in college and I have been helping her and a classmate study. And then another girl that Gabby introduced me to, Angie, is taking Accounting I in college and I have been tutoring her in that as well. I love math and numbers and accounting in particular. And I love teaching! And I'm pretty decent at doing it too...just sayin'. :)
I will also be starting to help a lady with some accounting-type stuff. It is m'lady's sister. The sister owns a bed and breakfast and she needs help with some data entry and learning how to use QuickBooks. I had never used QuickBooks myself, but I got online, looked it up on youtube for a tutorial and voila! I found one. And I am really really excited about it. So excited about it that I think I scared the sister a bit when I called to tell her that I had found some information on the program and could teach her to use it and how it works. Apparently the words assets and liabilities and equity and such scare some people, especially when spoken with intense enthusiasm. :) But it's all good and I didn't scare her off. I think I will be starting to work with her this weekend, with any luck.
This weekend will be a different one, as my inlaws will be getting back from a vacation in Florida. We have been at their house this week (hence the internet capabilities) and when they get back, we finally get to go out and celebrate Hubby's birthday with them.
May has been an interesting month for us. Punky's birthday was on the second and she turned four. Then Hubby's birthday was on the sixth. Inlaws left for Florida on the seventh and will be getting back on the sixteenth, which is when we will be going out for the birthday celebration. They were gone for Mother's Day as was my own mother. We had an evening with friends that night instead. Gabby and I went to pick up her friend (the one that is in her class right now) and we brought back pizza with us. And then when Gabby's boyfriend got home from work, he joined us too. We just spent time together, playing cards and having a good time. It was a lot of fun.
I know that this post is jumbled, but I'm just trying to get all of the things recorded that I have missed recently, so I apologize for the lack of order and flow in this post. Well, I guess that is all for now. I'll try to get some pictures from our zoo trip up soon too. It'll be dated for the second of May, but I assure you that it will actually have been posted on the fourteenth. :)
Friday, May 14, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter Saturday
We celebrated Easter a day early with my father-in-law's side of the family. We got to see cousins that we don't get to see very often, which is always a wonderful time. We love visiting with them! Unfortunately, I didn't pull out my camera until it was almost over. However, I did get some great candid shots of my kids (and my youngest brother-in-law) playing together outside. I will say though, that I did not get one unblurry picture of Boo's face, so the all the shots of him are from behind (as he was generally running off from one of us). Enjoy!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Catching Up
Well, I must say that I have not updated my blog in quite some time. Life at home and work both have been extremely hectic as of late. I don't even know where to jump in from, but I guess I have to pick a spot and jump!
Well, there is nothing major that has happened since I last blogged. Hubby is still wanting to homeschool the kids this fall. It is not really financially feasible as we both need to work and MIL is not supportive of homeschooling and would not watch the boys during the school day.
We are keeping our eyes out for options though. I did find a job opening recently that is for night shift (11p-7:30a) that pays well enough that Hubby would only need to work a minimal number of hours, which in turn, would allow for us to homeschool the kids and not be reliant on MIL to watch the kids at all. It would work out beautifully!
For right now though, I'm still working my daytime job at the store and just trying to make ends meet. It's super stressful at the store right now because all of the direct store management are on power trips. And they are all tripping each other. Which is kind of amusing until one of them falls on you. Nothing like taking one for the team, ya know?
I am keeping my eye out for other jobs though. I met with the insurance rep for our company and after reviewing the policy, I would be working simply for the insurance. Not my idea of a good time. I mean, seriously? I would take home something like 20 dollars every two weeks. Maybe. Which leaves the whole question if I'm only taking home 40 dollars a month, how does that work exactly? I think the people who write these insurance policies may need to take another look at what the average employee is paid. I think that insurance needs the overhaul - not the healthcare system as a whole. Just imagine if the insurance companies operated with more of the ideal of a Health Savings Account…you put money in, it rolls over, you swipe your card for medical expenses only and voila, you aren't paying exuberant amounts of money for something that you are not likely to use the full benefit of. Crazy concept, but it just might work. So, anyhow, that's my thought on that topic. There is more to it related to politics but I'm not going to jump into that topic, just yet.
I have ended up taking this whole week off of work unexpectedly, as I was hospitalized on Monday after what the doctors thought might have been a stroke. When the tests came back negative for that, they began doing other tests. All came up fine. I have a (mostly) clean bill of health. I am overweight and need to lose weight, there are some fatty deposits on my liver which will go away when I lose the pounds. I have a cyst in my nasal passage but that isn't anything to worry about and I have some nodules on my thyroid glands that look like they could develop into tumors (or something like that) and I will want to get that checked out, but for time being, the doctor said not to even worry about that.
So, anyhow, after a CT and CTA (cat scan and then a cat scan with contrast - which I cannot tolerate), a ton of bloodwork, an MRI, an ultrasound, and a lumbar puncture (yeeee-ouch!) they couldn't figure out what was causing the symptoms. So after a night in the hospital, they sent me home. On the way home, I developed an insanely fierce migraine headache - most likely related to the lumbar puncture I was sure. I went home, took pain meds and slept for most of the next twenty hours.
Woke up Wednesday in tons of pain and with dizziness and blurred vision again. Hubby called the nurse line and they told him to call an ambulance. I told him no. We would take our own vehicle, thankyouverymuch. So eventually we did. Got in to the hospital and they started an IV and more pain meds. Diagnosed it as a migraine. (Well duh! The question is why?! From the lumbar puncture? I was supposed to be back at work on Wednesday from the doctor's original plan - but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to manage even being at work the following day!) Doctor said no work for an additional two days to give the spinal fluid time to build back up and for me to get a bit more rest.
I got home and was reading on BlogFrog about headaches and migraines and then I decided to do a little bit of research myself - I typed in migraine with my original symptoms and came up with something that sounded so much like what I was experiencing initially, that I wonder if maybe that wasn't it. It's something called a hemiplegic migraine. You can google it, that's what I did. Well, rather, I googled the symptoms and came up with it as a possible answer, you can google the term and come up with the definition. That seems fair enough. But anyhow, after another round of severe pain early on in the evening, I am doing much better.
Also, something else occurred to me tonight. Do you remember how I mentioned before that I was struggling with some things? Well, it became apparent tonight, that I'm not struggling with those issues as much anymore. It's not even a struggle. A struggle is when you have to make a conscientious decision to resist whatever it is, and its not even happening on a conscious level. It's all happening without me even thinking about it. And that is a very good thing indeed.
Needless to say, my marriage is doing extremely well too. Hubby and I had a pretty soul-bearing talk today, in which I made some confessions to him about negative things I have felt or thought and he forgave me. It was a really difficult thing to admit and to be held accountable for, but it was so very important and necessary.
I think that even with all the stressful things we have going on in our lives at the moment, that we are closer now than we have been a short while. We have periods of ups and downs. And as I was commenting to a friend of mine, our downs aren't quite as low as they once were, and if I look back on it, I can see how far our downs have come up. I hope that makes sense to all of you. It made sense to her - but then again, she knows how low our downs were and how not as low they are now.
A while back, I had a Lia Sophia party and my order came in today. I was so excited! I was able to get a lot of things that I really wanted for really cheap. One of the things I wanted to get was a jewelry set for Punky Pie. She loves jewelry so much. So I had decided on this necklace, ring and earring set for her. The only thing is that she doesn't have pierced ears. But she liked these earrings so I think maybe she might be willing to get her ears pierced now. Anyhow, this jewelry set was supposed to be for her birthday (May 2) but when Hubby saw the jewelry today, he got really excited about it and we discussed giving her the set for Easter instead. And then when the kids came home from Grandma's house, he looked at the jewelry boxes that Punky was eying and looked at me and so I agreed. So Hubby gave Punky her ring and I showed her the necklace and earrings. We decided that she could wear her ring before Easter if she wanted to, but her necklace had to wait until Easter morning. Anyhow, I couldn't help but take a picture of our matching rings. I love how it looks too!
But I think it is time to wrap up this post as it is getting pretty lengthy and I want to get back to normal blogging again. So, for now, I bid you a great evening! I'm sorry for the absence but I'm back now! :)
Well, there is nothing major that has happened since I last blogged. Hubby is still wanting to homeschool the kids this fall. It is not really financially feasible as we both need to work and MIL is not supportive of homeschooling and would not watch the boys during the school day.
We are keeping our eyes out for options though. I did find a job opening recently that is for night shift (11p-7:30a) that pays well enough that Hubby would only need to work a minimal number of hours, which in turn, would allow for us to homeschool the kids and not be reliant on MIL to watch the kids at all. It would work out beautifully!
For right now though, I'm still working my daytime job at the store and just trying to make ends meet. It's super stressful at the store right now because all of the direct store management are on power trips. And they are all tripping each other. Which is kind of amusing until one of them falls on you. Nothing like taking one for the team, ya know?
I am keeping my eye out for other jobs though. I met with the insurance rep for our company and after reviewing the policy, I would be working simply for the insurance. Not my idea of a good time. I mean, seriously? I would take home something like 20 dollars every two weeks. Maybe. Which leaves the whole question if I'm only taking home 40 dollars a month, how does that work exactly? I think the people who write these insurance policies may need to take another look at what the average employee is paid. I think that insurance needs the overhaul - not the healthcare system as a whole. Just imagine if the insurance companies operated with more of the ideal of a Health Savings Account…you put money in, it rolls over, you swipe your card for medical expenses only and voila, you aren't paying exuberant amounts of money for something that you are not likely to use the full benefit of. Crazy concept, but it just might work. So, anyhow, that's my thought on that topic. There is more to it related to politics but I'm not going to jump into that topic, just yet.
I have ended up taking this whole week off of work unexpectedly, as I was hospitalized on Monday after what the doctors thought might have been a stroke. When the tests came back negative for that, they began doing other tests. All came up fine. I have a (mostly) clean bill of health. I am overweight and need to lose weight, there are some fatty deposits on my liver which will go away when I lose the pounds. I have a cyst in my nasal passage but that isn't anything to worry about and I have some nodules on my thyroid glands that look like they could develop into tumors (or something like that) and I will want to get that checked out, but for time being, the doctor said not to even worry about that.
So, anyhow, after a CT and CTA (cat scan and then a cat scan with contrast - which I cannot tolerate), a ton of bloodwork, an MRI, an ultrasound, and a lumbar puncture (yeeee-ouch!) they couldn't figure out what was causing the symptoms. So after a night in the hospital, they sent me home. On the way home, I developed an insanely fierce migraine headache - most likely related to the lumbar puncture I was sure. I went home, took pain meds and slept for most of the next twenty hours.
Woke up Wednesday in tons of pain and with dizziness and blurred vision again. Hubby called the nurse line and they told him to call an ambulance. I told him no. We would take our own vehicle, thankyouverymuch. So eventually we did. Got in to the hospital and they started an IV and more pain meds. Diagnosed it as a migraine. (Well duh! The question is why?! From the lumbar puncture? I was supposed to be back at work on Wednesday from the doctor's original plan - but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to manage even being at work the following day!) Doctor said no work for an additional two days to give the spinal fluid time to build back up and for me to get a bit more rest.
I got home and was reading on BlogFrog about headaches and migraines and then I decided to do a little bit of research myself - I typed in migraine with my original symptoms and came up with something that sounded so much like what I was experiencing initially, that I wonder if maybe that wasn't it. It's something called a hemiplegic migraine. You can google it, that's what I did. Well, rather, I googled the symptoms and came up with it as a possible answer, you can google the term and come up with the definition. That seems fair enough. But anyhow, after another round of severe pain early on in the evening, I am doing much better.
Also, something else occurred to me tonight. Do you remember how I mentioned before that I was struggling with some things? Well, it became apparent tonight, that I'm not struggling with those issues as much anymore. It's not even a struggle. A struggle is when you have to make a conscientious decision to resist whatever it is, and its not even happening on a conscious level. It's all happening without me even thinking about it. And that is a very good thing indeed.
Needless to say, my marriage is doing extremely well too. Hubby and I had a pretty soul-bearing talk today, in which I made some confessions to him about negative things I have felt or thought and he forgave me. It was a really difficult thing to admit and to be held accountable for, but it was so very important and necessary.
I think that even with all the stressful things we have going on in our lives at the moment, that we are closer now than we have been a short while. We have periods of ups and downs. And as I was commenting to a friend of mine, our downs aren't quite as low as they once were, and if I look back on it, I can see how far our downs have come up. I hope that makes sense to all of you. It made sense to her - but then again, she knows how low our downs were and how not as low they are now.
A while back, I had a Lia Sophia party and my order came in today. I was so excited! I was able to get a lot of things that I really wanted for really cheap. One of the things I wanted to get was a jewelry set for Punky Pie. She loves jewelry so much. So I had decided on this necklace, ring and earring set for her. The only thing is that she doesn't have pierced ears. But she liked these earrings so I think maybe she might be willing to get her ears pierced now. Anyhow, this jewelry set was supposed to be for her birthday (May 2) but when Hubby saw the jewelry today, he got really excited about it and we discussed giving her the set for Easter instead. And then when the kids came home from Grandma's house, he looked at the jewelry boxes that Punky was eying and looked at me and so I agreed. So Hubby gave Punky her ring and I showed her the necklace and earrings. We decided that she could wear her ring before Easter if she wanted to, but her necklace had to wait until Easter morning. Anyhow, I couldn't help but take a picture of our matching rings. I love how it looks too!
But I think it is time to wrap up this post as it is getting pretty lengthy and I want to get back to normal blogging again. So, for now, I bid you a great evening! I'm sorry for the absence but I'm back now! :)
Friday, March 5, 2010
Once again, I am feeling very conflicted. There is a lot of conflicting emotions and turmoil going on inside me right now and I just want to run away. I want to run off and start fresh. I'm threatened and I feel scared. I'm not even sure what to do.
I'm trying hard not to internalize these issues. I'm trying hard not to keep them, but I am recognizing that it's what I'm feeling like doing. I'm trying to put on a brave face for those in my life. I don't want them to know the fear that I'm feeling. I don't even want Hubby to know it. I want to be strong and to take care of things. I want to fix the things that are wrong.
But I can't. Or at least, I can't do it alone. I need to talk to Hubby, to turn to him for support and help. And to do it without blaming him.
I'm angry as well. Anger is a choice and it's a secondary emotion to the other things that I'm feeling - threatened, scared, etc. But yes, I am choosing to be angry. Maybe even hostile. I haven't decided if I am going to go that far just yet. But I'm getting there.
I feel like a choice that we want to make, for our family, is being condemned. I feel as though I have been...persecuted isn't quite the right word, but it's in the same category. Maybe it is the term that I'm looking for. I don't know. And I don't know who I can trust anymore. There were many people that I thought I could trust and that I want to trust and I don't know. I don't know who I can and cannot trust right now.
I love my kids, I love my Hubby, I want to do the best things for all of us. Right now, though, not only do I not know what that is, but I also do not know how to do it. Every choice I make or think about making, conflicts with what I want or need to happen. I am just so completely confused.
I'm trying hard not to internalize these issues. I'm trying hard not to keep them, but I am recognizing that it's what I'm feeling like doing. I'm trying to put on a brave face for those in my life. I don't want them to know the fear that I'm feeling. I don't even want Hubby to know it. I want to be strong and to take care of things. I want to fix the things that are wrong.
But I can't. Or at least, I can't do it alone. I need to talk to Hubby, to turn to him for support and help. And to do it without blaming him.
I'm angry as well. Anger is a choice and it's a secondary emotion to the other things that I'm feeling - threatened, scared, etc. But yes, I am choosing to be angry. Maybe even hostile. I haven't decided if I am going to go that far just yet. But I'm getting there.
I feel like a choice that we want to make, for our family, is being condemned. I feel as though I have been...persecuted isn't quite the right word, but it's in the same category. Maybe it is the term that I'm looking for. I don't know. And I don't know who I can trust anymore. There were many people that I thought I could trust and that I want to trust and I don't know. I don't know who I can and cannot trust right now.
I love my kids, I love my Hubby, I want to do the best things for all of us. Right now, though, not only do I not know what that is, but I also do not know how to do it. Every choice I make or think about making, conflicts with what I want or need to happen. I am just so completely confused.
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Thursday, March 4, 2010
Time For Me Thursday
Today I did a couple of things that were for "me" that I'd really like to share with you all, after all, that's what Time For Me Thursday is all about right?First off, if you have been following along, you will know that I have a number of house projects all going on at the same time and amazingly to me my house (*not including my bedroom, bathroom or closet) looks great! Sure, it could use some minor picking up - as could probably anyone's house with many small kids running around, but for the most part, it is looking pretty darned spiffy right now. Including the playroom - even though I still need to do a major toy sort and such in there. And the laundry / laundry room and basement have been coming along quite well also! It's awesome!
But getting that stuff to that point with Hubby was not the things that I did for *me* today. What I did for me also benefited my kids. After Punky got done with preschool today, I took her out to McDonalds for an ice cream cone. I have these coupons for free items from McDonalds (from Valentine's Day) and I just thought that she could use a little bit of a treat. She'd had a good day at school and I just wanted to share that special time with her. (Plus, it gave me a chance to get out and about for a little bit!)
The second thing was really the same as the first thing, only a different child. I took NattyNu out for an ice cream this evening after supper. I had to run to the pharmacy to pick up JoNo's breathing treatment solution boxes (one for home, one for school) and I stopped by my mother-in-law's house on the way over there. But anyhow, before I left the house, NattyNu asked if he could go with me, because he wanted to get some ice cream too since Punky had her ice cream still when we got home from preschool so it wasn't a secret that she got some this afternoon. I had told him earlier in the day that he could get an ice cream after supper so this was a good time to go get one for him.
So anyhow, NattyNu was with me when I got the prescription and then we headed towards the McDonalds by our house. When we got to our usual turn to go home, I didn't get into the turn lane since I was going to McDonalds and not directly home. Apparently NattyNu had forgotten about the ice cream (but let me assure you, had I tried to go home, he would most definitely have remembered!) and he asked me what I was doing. I told him we were going to go get ice cream and he was excited about it all over again.
The whole time we were gone (probably about an hour or so) we had a wonderful chance to talk and for him to just let everything out - things that are going on at school both good and bad. And it was a chance for me to just listen and be there with him and for him. I think that lately I have been very high-stress and haven't given him this much needed time. But the truth is, I need it too. I need this time to connect with my kids and I am actually very grateful that I got some alone time with these two kids today. I had alone time with JoNo yesterday (at the hospital, but once he was starting to do better, we had time to talk and spend together, etc. too)
While we were out, I picked up a cone for JoNo as well. But when we got home, he was already asleep for the night, so I handed the cone to Hubby instead. He LOVES soft serve ice cream! But he really really dislikes cones. So he at the top half of the ice cream and I ate the cone half. It was kind of funny and reminds me of the anecdote about the old couple sharing a meal at a fast food place. That story is kinda gross but it's really sweet too (in a way).
I still have not had a chance to really talk to Hubby about the issues I mentioned earlier today, but I plan to do that as soon as I finish typing this up. Then we will be heading back downstairs for some more fun and exciting time with laundry! Wooo Hooo! Yee haw! (Okay, I did not really just say that!) :)
Pulling Away
As I was driving today to drop Punky off at preschool (after her changing three times to get the "right" outfit for school today) I was thinking to myself about all of the stressful things going on in my life right now. Although, really it's the stressful things that are going on in all of our lives right now, but the way I was thinking about it, was the selfish "in my life" way.
And then something hit me. When things get stressful, I withdraw from Hubby, from the kids even, from everybody. I try to figure out how to fix it and make it better. And if I am going to be completely honest, I would have to say that I even withdraw from God. I don't pass my burdens off. I take them, I keep them, I internalize them and I try to solve them. Granted, there are some things that I can solve but I don't need to keep the problems and internalize them. I should be coming to God and to Hubby with these issues (even though Hubby already knows what the issues are) and discuss these problems in my life and in my family's life with both of them.
But I don't. My first initial reaction is to, as I said, keep it. I own it. And then when things end up negatively, I am upset for not having help in one aspect or another. It's a very confusing place to be in and I'm sure from Hubby's perspective, it's even more confusing!
I think I do this because of the way I learned to do things growing up. I learned VERY early on in life to depend on no one but myself. I was the only one that I could depend on and if I couldn't depend on myself, then there was no one else that I could depend on either. And while I do see some validity in that thought process even still, I know that there is more error to it than anything else. You know why? Because I am human. There, I said it. I am only human. I make mistakes, I fail, I don't follow through. And there are times when I am undependable - even to myself. The only person that I can really and truly depend on 100% of the time is God. Need to keep that one in perspective, for sure.
But anyhow, I just came to this realization today and I thought that I would share it with you. And now I am curious - do you do this too? If so, why? How does that work out for you and your husband or family? I suggest that you make a commitment to change that. Learn to change your initial reaction. I think we usually are able to recognize our initial reactions once we realize what they are. And realization and recognition are the first steps to changing a behavior.
I need to take some time today to sit down with Hubby and really discuss all of this. And to apologize to him for pulling away from him and let him know that I will be working on it in the future. And I think I also need to work on how I approach Hubby with these kinds of issues as well. Because I don't think I do such a great job a lot of the time. Which is also probably a contributing factor into not turning to him with tough issues. I have a lot to work on already and I haven't even talked to him yet. Wish me luck! And good luck to you too!
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