Back again

It's been awhile again but I'm back and not planning to go anywhere anytime soon! We have had quite the past two months. In October, Boo started school and has been doing well with it.

This was as close to the boys' first day of school pictures that I could get Boo to cooperate with. He didn't want to stand next to the tree but he would push the play mower around and occasionally look up at the camera too.

That month, I also started a new job an hour and a half from where we live - so long commute every day but well worth it! I also got into a bad car accident that following week. The van was totaled. Miss Punky was in the van with me when it happened. Another driver ran a red light and hit us in an intersection. Thankfully, no one was hurt and we have already replaced our van with a new one. It is newer and has fewer miles but does not have all of the bells and whistles that our old van had. It's also a bit smaller as well, but it works for our family anyhow.

Then in November, Hubby and I went for a week-long, kid-free mini vacation to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Hubby's aunt and uncle own a second house (which we all refer to as "the cabin" even though it's actually a two bedroom house and not a cabin) where we stayed. It's on a private lake and has it's own beach and it was just gorgeous! We definitely want to do that trip again!

And now, we are geared up for Christmas. I have some of the Christmas shopping done. Hubby is done and we got a big gift for the family as well. And then the kids I decided were going to get gifts in the following categories: an outfit, a game, a puzzle, a book, and a toy. I feel that giving them each one thing in each category is sufficient. What do you all think?

Oh - and I normally don't discuss knits on here because I have a different blog for my knitting business, but I just have to share these with you! I was making a knit hoodie sweater for my dear friend's son and I, um, messed up my gauge so one of our teddy bears ended up with a sleeveless version of the hoodie.

Well that will conclude with the catch up posting.  Stay tuned for regular posts!

Back with the pictures as promised

My handsome boys before their first day of school this year.

JoNo is going into first grade.

NattyNu will be in fourth grade.

Silly faces at the bus stop. Hoping to get some silliness going this morning to put them in a good mood for school. They were already pretty excited.

Here comes the bus, but the boys were looking the wrong way. Actually, they were telling some of the other boys waiting that the bus was coming.

NattyNu getting on the bus for the first trip to school.

JoNo getting on the school bus for the first trip to school.

Once again, it has been a large chunk of time since I last updated this blog, but without internet at home, it presents a challenge to post regularly.  We have had a good summer.  I have been working 55+ hours every week, which seems to be typical over the summer.  Families go on vacation a lot during the summer and therefore, need care for their loved ones in their absence.  I do love providing in-home health care.

We have attended a baseball game for our city’s team, the kids have gone camping a number of times, boating and just going out to the lake to go swimming.  They have gone on long bike rides with their grandpa.  My six and nine year old boys each rode 14 miles in one day, which is just astounding to me that they were able to do that.  They have more stamina than I give them credit for (and trust me, I give them lots of credit for stamina!)

Let’s see, we have also gone to the park and gone fishing, we have gone on a mini vacation to Worlds of Fun, where my nine year old, NattyNu, actually rode the Mamba.  He claims that he really did like it, but he didn’t want to go on it a second time.  I loved the picture that was taken but unfortunately, we did not buy a copy of it, although I would have loved to do so.  The ride that six year old, JoNo chose to go on the most was the Fury of the Nile.  That child definitely takes after me, as I am not a fan of roller coasters either.  Meanwhile, Punky and Boo were both at home with Grandma.  Punky split her eyebrow open while we were down there and had to be taken in and have dermabond applied to seal the wound.  According to her, “glue holds little girls together” which I thought was an adorable perspective.

We made two separate trips to Missouri (apart from the Worlds of Fun trip).  One trip was to get my mom and bring her up to spend a week with us, the next trip to take her back home.  She moved to Missouri in mid-April without telling us, then came back for a week and a half unannounced a week later.  Then, while she was up here visiting with our family for that one week, she apparently made plans to move back up here, because just last week, she called Hubby and told him that she was living here again and had been for about a week.  I don’t understand her need to sneak around and hide and lie but I do my best to deal with it.  I had a feeling when she was here visiting that she was making plans to move back, but she denied it and told me an elaborate story to cover her lie.  It’s just very disappointing.

The boys start school tomorrow morning (well, technically, since it is after midnight that I am writing this, I guess it’d be later this morning).  Their open house was on Monday evening and they met their teachers, saw their new temporary school building and I finally got to meet the Cub Scout leader for their school’s Pack.  The boys will be starting up with it this year.  NattyNu was in Scouts in first and second grade at his old school, but when we moved to their current school, he didn’t transfer Packs.  Now, he finally will.  And JoNo is finally old enough to be in Scouts this year.  They are both really excited about it, as am I.

Punky starts her school next Wednesday.  I am excited because she is going to be going three days a week and in the morning, which means that she will be able to have a nap in the afternoon.  Boo will be starting school five days a week, in the morning this year.  It seems odd that the youngest child will be spending more hours in school each week, compared to his next oldest sibling, but it’s because he will be in the early childhood special education class and needs the extra time offered.  He may also start an intensive speech language therapy program with at least two sessions per week in the afternoons.  His language development has really been improving.  He is putting together a lot of words and phrases and mostly social ones.  He is also starting to use words independently that he had previously only used as part of a phrase.  For instance, when he would call our dog, he would say, “Freddy, woo hoo.” Woo hoo was his substitute phrase for whistling.  But now, he is just calling the dog by his name, and is starting to give Freddy separate commands as well, such as “Freddy, up!” or “Freddy, down!”  It’s really cute and I am so proud of him!  I think he actually knows and uses more words than I realize.

I signed up to be a Tupperware consultant this past week and I have my first party scheduled for this coming weekend, so if you know of anyone interested in having a party (and is within an hour’s drive of me – aka Southwest Nebraska area) let me know and I will host their party – or if you or someone you know want to host an online party, I can do that too.  Just let me know if you are interested in it.  I am a little scared about doing it, but even if it doesn’t turn out well, I would have made a great investment of money for the amount of product I would end up being able to keep.  It’s also not a venture that I entered into lightly.  I have been considering doing this for at least four months.

I have also started knitting again.  One of my online friends, who has become a dear personal phone friend as well, has been trying to convince me to start knitting for profit again.  I haven’t done that seriously since the early part of 2008.  Last year, I think I made something like $1,500.00 for the year in profits off of knitting.  But as I am working nights and have a lot of time on my hands, I am considering it.  So while I was at my inlaws’ house today, I set up my business promotional supplies orders for both businesses, updated the blog that I have associated with my knitting and will be starting to update the blog some more before going live with the full scale sales and advertising.  I have been busy working on some armwarmers for my friend’s two daughters and have made a number of hats for my children, a friend’s new niece and have a couple of extras as well that I will most likely end up selling online.

So, that is where we stand now.  Hoping that with the kids back in school and my work schedule slightly more settled down, I will be able to post more frequently.  I am definitely going to attempt to do so.  I will also be posting a link on the sidebar to my Tupperware site and to my knitting blog.  But my knitting blog will not lead back to here.  Just so that you know ahead of time, so you can be prepared to use your back button to get back here, unless you want to bookmark this site or both of them.

But for now, I will end this and will hopefully be back later to post pictures of the kids before their first day of first and fourth grade.  And before their first (and likely only) year of riding the bus.

Yet Another Catch-Up Post...

Well, for starters, we no longer have internet at home, hence the inability to post regularly.  Although, I must admit that I rather like the fact that my husband and children are no longer controlled by computers or the internet.  Okay, maybe they weren't controlled by them, but some days, it sure felt like it.  When my children are whining and complaining and fighting over who gets to be on the computer first, I think we have a problem.  And granted, they mostly play educational games online but still...too much of a good thing is still too much and turns it into a not good thing.

Second, I quit my job at the gas station.  I had been having some severe health problems, which I think I may have posted about (I could open up another tab and check but I really want to just continue on with this post and not get distracted, which is likely to happen.) and I have started back doing home health care.  I have a lady that I do private duty healthcare for.  Basically, she is in charge of her own care, she hires, fires, schedules, trains, etc. and I take care of her.  It's private duty because I don't work through an agency - it is essentially self-employment - and that is how I claim my wages at the end of the year when ol' Uncle Sam wants his share.  So, anyhow, I'm back working for her.  Just for reference, I refer to her in everyday life as m'lady, due to HIPPA regulations and such.  Even though she doesn't care and has invited my whole family to come to a party at her house.  Even though my whole family has met her.

But I'm back with m'lady and I am so happy about that!  I work overnights for her, which to me is a huge honor to know that she trusts me enough to take care of her while she is asleep and not able to direct her care as much.  Mostly I do household stuff, but there are other (very important!) things that I do for her in the middle of the night.  And I love working for her.  I had forgotten how peaceful it was and how fulfilling it was to work for her when I was away from her.  After being able to go back, I remembered something that I thought last year after arriving at her house after an especially stressful day with my extended family, which was, "I'm so glad that I work tonight.  I definitely needed a good dose of m'lady to renew my spirits and energies."

So, to make a long story short, I am no longer at the gas station.  I am working for m'lady and I recently was hired on for a position doing home health with an agency here in town as well.  I have been assigned to two people so far and both have cancelled before I even started with them, so I have yet to actually work a shift through the agency, but soon...hopefully and most likely, next week I will be doing a shift (actually two as it is currently scheduled).

I have also been busy tutoring.  A friend of mine, Gabby, is in Intermediate Algebra in college and I have been helping her and a classmate study.  And then another girl that Gabby introduced me to, Angie, is taking Accounting I in college and I have been tutoring her in that as well.  I love math and numbers and accounting in particular.  And I love teaching!  And I'm pretty decent at doing it too...just sayin'.  :)

I will also be starting to help a lady with some accounting-type stuff.  It is m'lady's sister.  The sister owns a bed and breakfast and she needs help with some data entry and learning how to use QuickBooks.  I had never used QuickBooks myself, but I got online, looked it up on youtube for a tutorial and voila! I found one.  And I am really really excited about it.  So excited about it that I think I scared the sister a bit when I called to tell her that I had found some information on the program and could teach her to use it and how it works.  Apparently the words assets and liabilities and equity and such scare some people, especially when spoken with intense enthusiasm.  :)  But it's all good and I didn't scare her off.  I think I will be starting to work with her this weekend, with any luck.

This weekend will be a different one, as my inlaws will be getting back from a vacation in Florida.  We have been at their house this week (hence the internet capabilities) and when they get back, we finally get to go out and celebrate Hubby's birthday with them.

May has been an interesting month for us.  Punky's birthday was on the second and she turned four.  Then Hubby's birthday was on the sixth.  Inlaws left for Florida on the seventh and will be getting back on the sixteenth, which is when we will be going out for the birthday celebration.  They were gone for Mother's Day as was my own mother.  We had an evening with friends that night instead.  Gabby and I went to pick up her friend (the one that is in her class right now) and we brought back pizza with us.  And then when Gabby's boyfriend got home from work, he joined us too.  We just spent time together, playing cards and having a good time.  It was a lot of fun.

I know that this post is jumbled, but I'm just trying to get all of the things recorded that I have missed recently, so I apologize for the lack of order and flow in this post.  Well, I guess that is all for now.  I'll try to get some pictures from our zoo trip up soon too.  It'll be dated for the second of May, but I assure you that it will actually have been posted on the fourteenth.  :)

Easter Saturday

We celebrated Easter a day early with my father-in-law's side of the family.  We got to see cousins that we don't get to see very often, which is always a wonderful time.  We love visiting with them!  Unfortunately, I didn't pull out my camera until it was almost over.  However, I did get some great candid shots of my kids (and my youngest brother-in-law) playing together outside.  I will say though, that I did not get one unblurry picture of Boo's face, so the all the shots of him are from behind (as he was generally running off from one of us).  Enjoy!

 

Catching Up

Well, I must say that I have not updated my blog in quite some time. Life at home and work both have been extremely hectic as of late. I don't even know where to jump in from, but I guess I have to pick a spot and jump!

Well, there is nothing major that has happened since I last blogged. Hubby is still wanting to homeschool the kids this fall. It is not really financially feasible as we both need to work and MIL is not supportive of homeschooling and would not watch the boys during the school day.

We are keeping our eyes out for options though. I did find a job opening recently that is for night shift (11p-7:30a) that pays well enough that Hubby would only need to work a minimal number of hours, which in turn, would allow for us to homeschool the kids and not be reliant on MIL to watch the kids at all. It would work out beautifully!

For right now though, I'm still working my daytime job at the store and just trying to make ends meet. It's super stressful at the store right now because all of the direct store management are on power trips. And they are all tripping each other. Which is kind of amusing until one of them falls on you. Nothing like taking one for the team, ya know?

I am keeping my eye out for other jobs though. I met with the insurance rep for our company and after reviewing the policy, I would be working simply for the insurance. Not my idea of a good time. I mean, seriously? I would take home something like 20 dollars every two weeks. Maybe. Which leaves the whole question if I'm only taking home 40 dollars a month, how does that work exactly? I think the people who write these insurance policies may need to take another look at what the average employee is paid. I think that insurance needs the overhaul - not the healthcare system as a whole. Just imagine if the insurance companies operated with more of the ideal of a Health Savings Account…you put money in, it rolls over, you swipe your card for medical expenses only and voila, you aren't paying exuberant amounts of money for something that you are not likely to use the full benefit of. Crazy concept, but it just might work. So, anyhow, that's my thought on that topic. There is more to it related to politics but I'm not going to jump into that topic, just yet.

I have ended up taking this whole week off of work unexpectedly, as I was hospitalized on Monday after what the doctors thought might have been a stroke. When the tests came back negative for that, they began doing other tests. All came up fine. I have a (mostly) clean bill of health. I am overweight and need to lose weight, there are some fatty deposits on my liver which will go away when I lose the pounds. I have a cyst in my nasal passage but that isn't anything to worry about and I have some nodules on my thyroid glands that look like they could develop into tumors (or something like that) and I will want to get that checked out, but for time being, the doctor said not to even worry about that.

So, anyhow, after a CT and CTA (cat scan and then a cat scan with contrast - which I cannot tolerate), a ton of bloodwork, an MRI, an ultrasound, and a lumbar puncture (yeeee-ouch!) they couldn't figure out what was causing the symptoms. So after a night in the hospital, they sent me home. On the way home, I developed an insanely fierce migraine headache - most likely related to the lumbar puncture I was sure. I went home, took pain meds and slept for most of the next twenty hours.

Woke up Wednesday in tons of pain and with dizziness and blurred vision again. Hubby called the nurse line and they told him to call an ambulance. I told him no. We would take our own vehicle, thankyouverymuch. So eventually we did. Got in to the hospital and they started an IV and more pain meds. Diagnosed it as a migraine. (Well duh! The question is why?! From the lumbar puncture? I was supposed to be back at work on Wednesday from the doctor's original plan - but I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to manage even being at work the following day!) Doctor said no work for an additional two days to give the spinal fluid time to build back up and for me to get a bit more rest.

I got home and was reading on BlogFrog about headaches and migraines and then I decided to do a little bit of research myself - I typed in migraine with my original symptoms and came up with something that sounded so much like what I was experiencing initially, that I wonder if maybe that wasn't it. It's something called a hemiplegic migraine. You can google it, that's what I did. Well, rather, I googled the symptoms and came up with it as a possible answer, you can google the term and come up with the definition. That seems fair enough. But anyhow, after another round of severe pain early on in the evening, I am doing much better.

Also, something else occurred to me tonight. Do you remember how I mentioned before that I was struggling with some things? Well, it became apparent tonight, that I'm not struggling with those issues as much anymore. It's not even a struggle. A struggle is when you have to make a conscientious decision to resist whatever it is, and its not even happening on a conscious level. It's all happening without me even thinking about it. And that is a very good thing indeed.

Needless to say, my marriage is doing extremely well too. Hubby and I had a pretty soul-bearing talk today, in which I made some confessions to him about negative things I have felt or thought and he forgave me. It was a really difficult thing to admit and to be held accountable for, but it was so very important and necessary.

I think that even with all the stressful things we have going on in our lives at the moment, that we are closer now than we have been a short while. We have periods of ups and downs. And as I was commenting to a friend of mine, our downs aren't quite as low as they once were, and if I look back on it, I can see how far our downs have come up. I hope that makes sense to all of you. It made sense to her - but then again, she knows how low our downs were and how not as low they are now.

A while back, I had a Lia Sophia party and my order came in today. I was so excited! I was able to get a lot of things that I really wanted for really cheap. One of the things I wanted to get was a jewelry set for Punky Pie. She loves jewelry so much. So I had decided on this necklace, ring and earring set for her. The only thing is that she doesn't have pierced ears. But she liked these earrings so I think maybe she might be willing to get her ears pierced now. Anyhow, this jewelry set was supposed to be for her birthday (May 2) but when Hubby saw the jewelry today, he got really excited about it and we discussed giving her the set for Easter instead. And then when the kids came home from Grandma's house, he looked at the jewelry boxes that Punky was eying and looked at me and so I agreed. So Hubby gave Punky her ring and I showed her the necklace and earrings. We decided that she could wear her ring before Easter if she wanted to, but her necklace had to wait until Easter morning. Anyhow, I couldn't help but take a picture of our matching rings. I love how it looks too!



But I think it is time to wrap up this post as it is getting pretty lengthy and I want to get back to normal blogging again. So, for now, I bid you a great evening! I'm sorry for the absence but I'm back now! :)

Once again, I am feeling very conflicted. There is a lot of conflicting emotions and turmoil going on inside me right now and I just want to run away. I want to run off and start fresh. I'm threatened and I feel scared. I'm not even sure what to do.

I'm trying hard not to internalize these issues. I'm trying hard not to keep them, but I am recognizing that it's what I'm feeling like doing. I'm trying to put on a brave face for those in my life. I don't want them to know the fear that I'm feeling. I don't even want Hubby to know it. I want to be strong and to take care of things. I want to fix the things that are wrong.

But I can't. Or at least, I can't do it alone. I need to talk to Hubby, to turn to him for support and help. And to do it without blaming him.

I'm angry as well. Anger is a choice and it's a secondary emotion to the other things that I'm feeling - threatened, scared, etc. But yes, I am choosing to be angry. Maybe even hostile. I haven't decided if I am going to go that far just yet. But I'm getting there.

I feel like a choice that we want to make, for our family, is being condemned. I feel as though I have been...persecuted isn't quite the right word, but it's in the same category. Maybe it is the term that I'm looking for. I don't know. And I don't know who I can trust anymore. There were many people that I thought I could trust and that I want to trust and I don't know. I don't know who I can and cannot trust right now.

I love my kids, I love my Hubby, I want to do the best things for all of us. Right now, though, not only do I not know what that is, but I also do not know how to do it. Every choice I make or think about making, conflicts with what I want or need to happen. I am just so completely confused.