A Bit Off...

I am feeling a bit off today. I think it has to do with the fact that tomorrow is Boy A's 9th birthday and we will not hardly see him at all that day, due to our work schedules. The kiddos will be heading over to my mother-in-law's house around 6:30 in the morning and they won't be home again until 5:30 on Wednesday. That's a LONG time!

I'm also feeling a bit off because although we got a lot of housework done yesterday, there still remains a fair amount to do and tensions are high. Hubby is not as supportive of my blogging as he once was, because it takes too much time. He says that it is a bit hypocritical of me to have a blog called "Organizing Amid the Chaos" when I am not doing any organizing or "lifting a finger around the house." I do see where he's coming from. He sees this blog, knows the blog title, and assumes that because I have a blog entitled "Organizing Amid the Chaos" that the house will suddenly and miraculously be completely cleaned and organized. Okay, I guess that I threw some sarcasm in there as well. I almost edited it out and rewrote it, but decided not to. That is my true reaction to it, but I do see where he is coming from, even if my reaction is not the one of love and acceptance that I wish came so readily to me.

I do feel like he expects it all to just happen quickly and easily - even if I am not home to do it. Even if I am working and volunteering many hours. I know what needs to be done. I know that I have not put as much time and effort into it as I am able. I do, selfishly, enjoy time to relax after work as well as other priorities. No, I'm not perfect, and I don't claim to be. I do want to get stuff done around the house, but I do not want to do it in lieu of time to relax, to be with the kids, to have time with Hubby, to work...I don't want to spend my days as a slave to the house, to Hubby, to the kids, to work. It's a matter of balancing it all. And lately, the balance has been uneven. Work and volunteering has been taking up the largest chunk of my time, followed by time with Hubby, time with the kids, relaxing and then cleaning has gotten short-changed lately.

Saturday and Sunday, I was so stiff and sore from working such long hours, that I could barely move. Sunday was a bit of an improvement over Saturday though, because I was more able to move and I didn't have to work as long of a shift. We were even able to spend some time with family friends, C and M, to celebrate Boy A's birthday a little bit early, and to also have some time playing cards with them. C and I won the game by the way. I'll share the score card with you all in a bit, if you are interested in seeing it. C and I came from WAY behind to win the Pitch game.



C and I were the "We" team and Hubby and M were the "They" team, as I was the one keeping score. We came back from quite the deficit! But win or lose, we all just love to play!

Back to the "off" now though. I know, no transition, but that's where my mind went, my fingers (and now your eyes) are following suit. Today, Hubby and I discussed the rearranging that is going to be happening very soon in our house. We were going to work on it today, but unfortunately, that did not happen. The soonest it can happen now is Friday. I work a half-day on Friday and then Hubby has an actual two-day weekend next weekend so we will have LOTS of time to get things rearranged this coming weekend. I still hope to get as much as possible done tonight though.

Yesterday, we got quite a bit of the housework done. Both bathrooms are clean, the living room is done, the family room and kitchen are much improved. All the rooms could still use a further cleaning job, but that will come soon. At this point, we wouldn't be (too) terribly embarrassed to have people come in if they were to stop over unannounced. There is still a lot of clutter in the family room and that will remain until we get some of the other work done. You know, Step 1 has to come before Step 2, which has to come before Step 3, etc. Well, the family room declutter is somewhere around Step 98 on a 100-Step list.

It also doesn't help matters that because the kids have been gone at my mother-in-law's house a lot lately and we now experiencing some discipline issues at home. It often happens that way. It's not that there is anything done or not done when they are at their grandparents. I think it is just a matter of kids who enjoy time at their grandparents' house and they push the limits when they get home. I think it's normal child behavior. But I don't know for sure. I remember doing it when I was a kid. Mind perfectly for my grandma when I was at her house and then when I got home, I remember acting up a lot. I don't remember why exactly, but I do remember doing it.

And I hate to admit it, but I have taken to scolding and raising my voice at the kids lately as well. I hate to raise my voice, and I hate to yell. I will do it, mind you, but I don't think it's teaching the kids the right message. Plus, it hurts my throat. I'm a very quiet individual by nature. I would prefer to simply talk with the kids. I'm more of a "Gentle Discipline" type of parent myself. But Hubby is not, and neither is my mom or his mom. Hubby, his mom and my mom all rule more by fear than by expecting true respect from the kids. I feel like I am often fighting an uphill battle in the parenting arena.

Boy C has also been highly reactive to something in his diet. I don't know for sure what it is, but it's happening again, and I feel like we are on a downhill slope to him getting very reactive soon. The more reactive he is, the harder the problem becomes to deal with. When I was at home with him full-time or nearly full-time, I was able to keep him virtually unreactive. But he has been reacting more and more lately. I don't know what to do about it, other than stay home. Everyone else who cares for him knows the do and don'ts of his food restrictions and everyone claims to follow them. But someone, somewhere along the line (and yes, it could even be me) is giving him something that he is reacting to, and a reactive tummy makes for a fussy toddler.

Mother-in-law is also wanting to have Boy C re-evaluated for Speech. He does have a deficit in that department, and in fact, that is where his biggest deficit is right now. He has been showing improvements, but mother-in-law does not feel it is enough of a change or a quick enough change and so she is going to try to pull some strings to get him re-evaluated. I don't mind. If she is able to get him re-evaluated, that is fine. I'm planning to wait until next week when I have a visit with our home-based teacher, JW, to see what she has to say about it. We spoke briefly before and she has some things to discuss with me anyhow, so we will see what happens with it.

I could go on and on about the things that feel "off" right now, but I have to stop. The kids are not wanting to go to bed for Hubby and he's losing his patience with them (and I am losing my patience with the kids and with Hubby - and really, it's just because I'm feeling like "my" time is being infringed upon.) I really need to work on that!

Goal 1, Week 3

You can read the first part of this post here. This is the list for Week Three of my goal for a Bible Reading Plan.

January - Week Three

17 - Hagar and Ishmael ... (Genesis 16:1-16:16)
18 - The Covenant of Circumcision ... (Genesis 17:1-17:27)
19 - The Three Visitors ... (Genesis 18:1-18:15)
20 - Abraham Pleads for Sodom ... (Genesis 18:16-18:33)
21 - Sodom and Gomorrah Destroyed ... (Genesis 19:1-19:29)
22 - Lot and His Daughters ... (Genesis 19:30-19:38)
23 - Abraham and Abimelech ... (Genesis 20:1-20:18)

Goal 3: Make Sure the Dishes Are Done

Okay, so I'll admit it. I don't really like doing dishes. I mean, sometimes, yes, I really enjoy doing them, but most of the time, eh...not so much. And with Hubby and I both working outside the home now and meal times no longer being consistent and the clean-up after mealtimes being even less consistent, it is definitely time that I put this goal into action. I had been doing this last week as well, but now I'm going to start making myself accountable for it too. It seems to me that my goals this year are really about making changes to the way that I live my life, and are not just short-term goals. I think that is really important. I am excited about the way I have been blessed by making the changes that I have so far.

So, anyhow, my goal for this week (in addition to the goals from the last two weeks) is to work on getting the dishes done every evening after dinner/before getting the kids ready for bed.

Let's see how it goes!

Weekly Accountability Post 2

January - Week Two

10 - The Sons of Noah ... (Genesis 9:18-9:29)

Ham saw his father lying naked and drunken in his tent and told his brothers about it. His brothers decided to cover their father up by backing into the tent and laying a blanket over their father. When their father found out about it, he became angry at Ham and so punished Ham's son, Canaan. It reminds me of the quote, "Sins of the father..." since Canaan, who did nothing wrong, is the one being punished by Noah. If you remember a few chapters back, God also punished Adam's children for Adam's mistakes. It's an important thing to remember. Our children historically are punished for OUR mistakes. Lead by example. Live your life as you want your children to live their's.

Daily Prayer Time Done, though it wasn't done in the morning as I had planned on, as my alarm had been shut off and I woke up about fifteen minutes later than I had planned on.

11 - The Table of Nations ... (Genesis 10:1-10:32)

Another genealogy chapter. Not a real entertaining read. But I did not realize that it was during this time that Nineveh was built. I am confused though, as to whether it was built by Cush or his son Nimrod. The way that it was worded, it sounded to me like it was built by Nimrod. But I am not sure on that one.

Daily Prayer Time Done.

12 - The Tower of Babel ... (Genesis 11:1-32)

In verse 4 of the previous chapter, it said that each of the maritime peoples spread out into their own territories and that each had their own language. But in this chapter, it says that the whole world all had one language. This confuses me. I don't understand. Unless the previous chapter is meaning different dialects of the same language. That would make sense to me. These people plotted against God, and He came down and confused their language and spread them out over the earth.

The second part of this chapter is another genealogy list, but this one ending with Abram and Lot. Abram's brother, Haran, was Lot's father. Haran died in Ur. Terah was the father of Abram, and Terah lead Abram, his wife Sarai, and his nephew Lot toward Canaan. But they stopped and settled in a place called Haran. I wonder if that is symbolic because that was the name of Lot's father. At the end of the chapter, it says that Terah died in Haran.

Daily Prayer Time Done.

13 - The Call of Abram ... (Genesis 12:1-12:20)

God called Abram to separate from his father's family and to go to the land that God will show him. Abram obeyed and set out with his wife and nephew, the people that they had acquired in Haran (which I'm curious to know how they had "acquired" these people - were they slaves?) and headed to Canaan. God promised to give Abram's offspring the land of Canaan, which is interesting at this point, because Sarai is barren.

There was a famine in the land so Abram and Sarai went to Egypt to live (nothing is mentioned about Lot at this point - I don't know if he went to Egypt as well) but Abram was fearful for his life, that because Sarai was beautiful, that the Pharaoh would have Abram killed in order to take Sarai as his wife. So Abram asked Sarai to lie and say that they were brother and sister, so that Abram's life would be spared. She did, and Pharaoh took notice of her, moved her into the palace and took her as his wife. Pharaoh also treated Abram very well, giving him maidservants and menservants and sheep, cattle, donkey and camels. In short, Abram cleaned up.

But God sent plagues on Pharaoh and his household. Pharaoh knew that it was because of Sarai and because of the lie that Sarai and Abram had told. Pharaoh sent them away, allowing them to keep the gifts that had been given to them.

Daily Prayer Time Done.

14 - Abram and Lot Separate ... (Genesis 13:1-13:18)

In this chapter it says that Abram went from Egypt up to the Negev (where he had been before Egypt) and that Sarai and Lot went with him,, which to me sounds like Lot was in Egypt with them. Anyhow, Lot and Abram both had many possessions and people with them. Lot's herdsmen and Abram's herdsmen were quarreling and Abram suggests to Lot that they part paths, since the land was great and there was plenty for each of them to have. So, they parted ways. After doing so, God tells Abram that the land will belong to him and his offspring. And that the land and his offspring both will be vast. Lot settled near Sodom (where the people were wicked and sinning greatly) and Abram settled near Hebron.

Daily Prayer Time Done.

15 - Abram Rescues Lot ... (Genesis 14:1-14:24)

There was a war going on among the kings of the area. Four kings had gone out and conquered many other kings during a twelve year war, then retreated back to their homes. There were five kings who joined forces and went to war against these four kings. The four kings prevailed and many people under the five kings' rule fled or died. Those who didn't, were captured. The four kings seized all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah and all their food. They also carried off Lot and his possessions, since he was living in Sodom.

Abram took his men and they went out and defeated those who had taken Lot. They rescued Lot and his people, as well as their possessions. The king of Sodom asked Abram to allow him to take the people and that Abram could keep the goods. Abram told the king no, since he had made an agreement with God to not accept anything from the king.

Daily Prayer Time Done.

16 - God's Covenant With Abram ... (Genesis 15:1-15:21)

Abram asked God what would happen to the land that God had given to him, since he had no heir. God told him that he would have countless heirs and that their numbers would be great. Abram believed Him. God asked Abram to bring him a heifer, a goat and a ram - each three years old as well as two birds, a dove and a young pigeon.

Abram did as God had asked, and cut the larger animals in two, with the halves opposite each other. But the birds he did not cut into two. When birds came down to prey on the carcasses of the slaughtered animals, Abram protected the carcasses, as they were an offering to God.

God made a covenant with Abram, promising him many offspring and giving him the foreknowledge that his offspring would live as servants for 400 years before they would be given the land, but that they would have all of the land after that point in time.

Daily Prayer Time Done.

Jealousy

Well, for the second time today, I am once again battling jealousy. Seems to be a recurring theme today.

CA got the promotion. Remember CA? The one who MB kept forgetting that he would need to interview? Yeah. She got it. The general consensus is not a positive one. In fact, it is a pretty negative one. And while I am struggling with jealousy that she got the position (as I was really hoping that CR would get it), I am also not going to allow the other employees' negative reactions to the decision affect my work. I am pretty certain that CA is going to have a fairly rough go at the job. But I am not going to contribute to that. I can only do my part in it. And I'm going to work hard and help her out however I can. I am also going to do my part to discourage such behavior from the other employees.

But I am jealous that CA got it instead of CR or myself. Hopefully it will all work out well though. Who knows? We may all be pleasantly surprised. I hope so, at any rate.

Oh - and CJ did NOT take the news well - at all. In fact, I think that come tomorrow or Saturday, she may be on her way out the door. Her reaction is likely to get her fired.

Ambitious!

Well, in spite of today's post about how I was feeling, this post will be more about what I was doing.

The house (as you all may recall me complaining about) has been in need of a serious deep clean. This morning, once I got up, I decided to tackle the room that was bothering me the most. And I am ashamed to admit that it got to the point that it was at this morning...my kids' bathroom. Blech! Let's just say that the upstairs hallway bathroom is used most predominately by our two older boys. Boys who are 6 and almost 9. Boys who should be able to hit a target, if you understand my meaning.

But, I digress, they have not. Been hitting the target. Seemingly, at all. Yuck! And because I don't use that bathroom, I didn't realize that it was that bad. And bad it was!

It has probably been, oh, a week since I had been in there to use it or to specifically ask my oldest to clean it. So, this morning when I went in there it reeked! Oh my word. I about hit the floor. Or the ceiling. But the floor was a closer option. I got right to work on the floor around the toilet. The worst part. Caked on. Serious. The bathroom isn't completely cleaned and disinfected yet, but it is now at least free of gross, crusty, yuckiness on the floor. And that makes me a happy mama!

I guess that I will definitely need to work with those kids on our new chore system. I had wanted to wait until it was all finalized and ready to go, but I don't think my house, my kids or I can wait that long. We'll jump in with where I was wanting to start and just add on from there. We'll make it up as we go and it will all work out.

If you are curious to know about our new chore system, it is loosely based off of Lara's idea for her own kids. I have some of the cards done and ready to go. I have our morning and evening cards, the kitchen and living room chore cards done. I still have to make the family room, playroom, basement, laundry, meal time, outdoors, going out, and personal enrichment cards, but I think I'm at a spot where I can at least begin implementing the cards. Yay! So, that will be coming soon and I will let you all know how that goes.

Struggling This Morning...

On a couple of blogs that I read on a regular basis, My Charming Kids and Kingdom Twindom, they have been discussing bold blogging. If you are curious about what bold blogging is, you can read about it here and here.


This morning I am really struggling with a number of issues. I know that I just need to pray about them and let them go, but I'm still at that point in time when I want to hang on to the issues and be miserable with them. You know the feeling?

For starters (and this one I have already pretty much let go of after prayer and an apology) but I made Hubby's morning rough. And I mean really really rough. I feeling upset and, well, bitter, about the other issues (which I will get to in a minute) and instead of helping him this morning and being kind to him and allowing for his day to start easy and calm, I did the exact opposite.

I woke him up, had HIM go downstairs to check and make sure his shirt for work today was dry. I had HIM find clothes for the older boys, I had HIM get the kids up and ready for school, I had HIM take them to school, and when he asked me if I would take them to school this morning, I balked at him, I complained and so HE ended up taking them to school. But I knew that my heart wasn't in the right spot this morning and that I was taking out my frustration out on him, even though it was caused by something else. So, I prayed, I made it right with God. I left my Hubby a sweet Facebook message on his wall so that he could read it when he gets the chance to get on the computer today:

" Love, I'm sorry if I made your morning more stressful. I honestly wasn't trying to make your morning more stressful. I was trying to make MY morning less stressful. I was being selfish in that regard and I'm sorry.

I hope your day is awesomely FABULOUS! (a smile there? just a bit of one?) and that you are able to get all of the program installations done before 11. I love you! Have a great day, okay? *smooches*"

He likes to tease me because I say the word "fabulous" more frequently than I realize. So that is the reason behind that word (and the extra comment) in my post on his wall.

Okay...deep breath...the part that I haven't let go of yet.

Yesterday, my mother-in-law was upset at me for not coming to pick the kids up right at 3:30. In all honesty, I had forgotten to tell her that my shift at work had changed from 7a-3p to 7a-7p, but I didn't end up working that long of a shift. So, I figured that I had time to head out to Hubby's work to help him with plans for their Grand Opening/Ribbon-Cutting Ceremony that is happening later today.

I had made arrangements with my mother-in-law for her to take the little kids today at 10am because I had planned on being at work at 11am. But then yesterday, she informed us that she has friends in town today and she wanted to go out to lunch with them and that she wouldn't be taking the kids today so that I could go to work because she would prefer to spend time with her friends.

I am looking at other childcare options because I need to have her be there when she has agreed to be there. And if she isn't, then I can't be where I need to be when I need to be there, and that would not work well for my job - or for any job.

I had also hoped to go out to Hubby's work today for at least part of the ribbon-cutting ceremony. It makes me very sad that I can't go. I had helped out a lot with much of the prep work for the Conference Center and now I don't get to be a part of the ceremony. :( Okay, and part of that is me wanting some small form of recognition for the work I did. But this is a reminder to be humble and to give without expectation. And that's what I did initially. I didn't expect anything in return, but then when I found out about the ceremony today, I just wanted to be a part of it - a part of it, which is different from being in it. I do not want to be IN the ceremony. Nuh uh - not at all! I want to be on the sidelines, watching it. And being able to be there and recognize Hubby and his co-workers for all the work that they did to get the Conference Center up and running.

So, anyhow, yeah, I'm needing to work on that - to pray about it, to give my childish emotions to my Father, because I don't like them. They don't feel very good. And I also need to not allow the whole childcare (or lack thereof) aspect bring me down, because it could very well be something that needs to happen for something in the future to change or happen or whatever. I don't know the plan and I don't want to know it...well, not all of it. Just the parts that pertain to me in the near future. :)