Monday, January 4, 2010


Hubby and I just got done having a disagreement. We have discovered that since welcoming extra people into our home, our ability and willingness to communicate openly and honestly has been compromised. It was a slow progression, but it has happened. And, of course, to be able to come to this realization, we had to have a disagreement. It was a large one that encompassed many, many issues (all of which were valid and needed to be dealt with) but man! Talk about exhausting! Basically the format was something along the lines of blaming each other for this and for that and going back and forth through it and giving reasons (valid reasons on both sides) of why it was the other person's fault, etc. Not exactly productive in and of itself...but we have come to the conclusion that we need to sit down and have a serious discussion about what we each expect of each other, what we expect of ourselves and other various things like that. Right now, our house and everything that happens in it is kind of ... well, I guess for lack of a better term, it's like a free-for-all. Which doesn't work. For our marriage, for our parenting, for our house, for our home, for any of us. It just doesn't work. And if you are curious as to why I chose to write "for our house, for our home" it was because I meant two different things. This free-for-all doesn't work for our house as a structure, because the things that need to get done, just aren't getting done when or how they are supposed to. This free-for-all doesn't work for our home either, because our home is the environment that we make inside of our house. The love, the respect, the values, the sense of family, of know? And this hasn't been conducive to that either. So I think we will have be having a sit-down long discussion sometime in the very near future, in which we will come up with a temporary solution to the many issues that presented themselves tonight. Right now, there are so many things up in the air, it's hard to make a long-term solution for us because we know that very soon so many things will be changing. So if we can come up with a short-term solution to get us through this time until the things that are up in the air settle down a bit, everything will work better, flow easier, and will provide the atmosphere that we are longing for and needing to have.

In case anyone is wondering, the things that are up in the air at the moment are: my mom's residence (waiting to see if she got this new place, getting her moved out of our home, etc), the kids' schedules with school and childcare, my mother-in-law's schedule for taking care of the kids (aka, she's our childcare provider), my (temporarily) inconsistent work schedule...I mean, there's a lot of things that we just need to wait for. We will know more about my mom's residence tomorrow. We already know about the kids' school schedules, but not the childcare schedule exactly, because of my fluctuating schedule. We will know more about my work schedule once a new assistant manager is named. If I am named the new assistant (which I'd say was about a 0.1% chance - but my boss told me to apply for it anyhow) I would be working 3-11 Wednesday through Sunday. Not my most ideal situation, but it could work. But once again, not a likely probability. Depending on who is named assistant manager, I may end up being able to get the hours I would prefer to have (Monday through Friday, 7 am - 3pm), but there's ZERO guarantee of that happening. Many, many possibilities. But for now, I'm working a mix of hours that can fluctuate between four to twelve hour shifts, and which can take place any day of the week from any time between 7 am and 11 pm. So yeah, lots of uncertainty.

One thing that would be wonderful if you'd be willing to pray for would be for Hubby and I to be able to effectively communicate with each other during this time. And also for our hearts and our minds to be softened towards each other. Sometimes when things are tough, we tend to harden our hearts and hold on to old habits, old hurts and old perceptions. Which not only does not help in the here and now, but it really hinders progress as well. We could both use your prayers in that respect.