Thursday, January 14, 2010

Struggling This Morning...

On a couple of blogs that I read on a regular basis, My Charming Kids and Kingdom Twindom, they have been discussing bold blogging. If you are curious about what bold blogging is, you can read about it here and here.

This morning I am really struggling with a number of issues. I know that I just need to pray about them and let them go, but I'm still at that point in time when I want to hang on to the issues and be miserable with them. You know the feeling?

For starters (and this one I have already pretty much let go of after prayer and an apology) but I made Hubby's morning rough. And I mean really really rough. I feeling upset and, well, bitter, about the other issues (which I will get to in a minute) and instead of helping him this morning and being kind to him and allowing for his day to start easy and calm, I did the exact opposite.

I woke him up, had HIM go downstairs to check and make sure his shirt for work today was dry. I had HIM find clothes for the older boys, I had HIM get the kids up and ready for school, I had HIM take them to school, and when he asked me if I would take them to school this morning, I balked at him, I complained and so HE ended up taking them to school. But I knew that my heart wasn't in the right spot this morning and that I was taking out my frustration out on him, even though it was caused by something else. So, I prayed, I made it right with God. I left my Hubby a sweet Facebook message on his wall so that he could read it when he gets the chance to get on the computer today:

" Love, I'm sorry if I made your morning more stressful. I honestly wasn't trying to make your morning more stressful. I was trying to make MY morning less stressful. I was being selfish in that regard and I'm sorry.

I hope your day is awesomely FABULOUS! (a smile there? just a bit of one?) and that you are able to get all of the program installations done before 11. I love you! Have a great day, okay? *smooches*"

He likes to tease me because I say the word "fabulous" more frequently than I realize. So that is the reason behind that word (and the extra comment) in my post on his wall.

Okay...deep breath...the part that I haven't let go of yet.

Yesterday, my mother-in-law was upset at me for not coming to pick the kids up right at 3:30. In all honesty, I had forgotten to tell her that my shift at work had changed from 7a-3p to 7a-7p, but I didn't end up working that long of a shift. So, I figured that I had time to head out to Hubby's work to help him with plans for their Grand Opening/Ribbon-Cutting Ceremony that is happening later today.

I had made arrangements with my mother-in-law for her to take the little kids today at 10am because I had planned on being at work at 11am. But then yesterday, she informed us that she has friends in town today and she wanted to go out to lunch with them and that she wouldn't be taking the kids today so that I could go to work because she would prefer to spend time with her friends.

I am looking at other childcare options because I need to have her be there when she has agreed to be there. And if she isn't, then I can't be where I need to be when I need to be there, and that would not work well for my job - or for any job.

I had also hoped to go out to Hubby's work today for at least part of the ribbon-cutting ceremony. It makes me very sad that I can't go. I had helped out a lot with much of the prep work for the Conference Center and now I don't get to be a part of the ceremony. :( Okay, and part of that is me wanting some small form of recognition for the work I did. But this is a reminder to be humble and to give without expectation. And that's what I did initially. I didn't expect anything in return, but then when I found out about the ceremony today, I just wanted to be a part of it - a part of it, which is different from being in it. I do not want to be IN the ceremony. Nuh uh - not at all! I want to be on the sidelines, watching it. And being able to be there and recognize Hubby and his co-workers for all the work that they did to get the Conference Center up and running.

So, anyhow, yeah, I'm needing to work on that - to pray about it, to give my childish emotions to my Father, because I don't like them. They don't feel very good. And I also need to not allow the whole childcare (or lack thereof) aspect bring me down, because it could very well be something that needs to happen for something in the future to change or happen or whatever. I don't know the plan and I don't want to know it...well, not all of it. Just the parts that pertain to me in the near future. :)


  1. Thank you for your honest post about marriage and selfishness. I, too, struggle with wanting recognition for the things I've done and with wanting people to meet my needs. I also struggle with what you mentioned - wanting to follow the plan but not KNOWING the plan yet. It's a frustrating place to be, but I know the Lord has a reason for us to find these things out a little at a time.

    I hope you and Hubby have a wonderful reunion tonight and that you both have a great morning tomorrow!

  2. I struggle with needing recognition in little ways also (not in the spotlight but on the sidelines type thing). I am working on being humble and focusing on the traits God is trying to radiate through my's a struggle for sure. We are being forced to rest in His care lately because we surely don't know His plan. It's tough!
    Thanks for your openness and willingness to share your struggles and experiences.

    *visiting from Kingdom Twindom* CUTE family!

  3. Thanks for your bold post. Thank God for forgiveness! We all need it in our marriage and in life in general!